How do you deal with grief?

 Some people choose to voice it out loud, complaining and pushing the blame to everyone. In hope that the grief could be transferred to someone else, and at the same time, people will start to sympathize with you. But this is not me. I don't need people to know, I don't need consolation. 

What I need is someone to slap me in the face, asking me to face the truth, rather than molly coddling me and telling me everything is fine when it obviously isn't.

Some people choose to avoid the situation. Simply running away and performing disappearing act. Becoming all tight lipped and agitated when people asked about the situation. But this is not me. I do not run away from the situation, because avoiding the problem temporary will only cause more pain later. 

Just like a sprained ankle. It will hurt when you injure. But you choose to ignore the pain and hope it heal by itself. When the time period is dragged too long, when you seek treatment afterwards, the road to recovery will be a longer and more painful process. No, I don't want that.

Some people choose to be in self-denial. If you think positively and believe everything is fine, then everything is truly fine right? But when truth reared its ugly head towards you, can you still say and believe what you are telling yourself? You can lie to the whole world, but you can never lie to yourself. 

Some people choose to pack away the stuff that relate to the situation. The symbolic way of packing away, throwing away the unwanted stuff, and keeping only a few things for remembrance. This means acceptance, and thus moving on. 

This hurts more, as every item is linked to a memory, a precious memory that was once shared between us. At times, I still believe that I will still be able to see you in your room. You calling me to help you get food for you. You asking me to open the gate for you because your arms are full. You having a talk with me about my future. You being there to rescue me when I get into trouble. 

I don't say them out, but the truth is, I miss you so much..."

It feels the same. All over a again. Just that this time round, I know that he is in a better place. He is Jack, my dear boy who had accompanied me through every major milestone of my life. He had been a constant in my memory. He had been such a sweet boy even in his last hour.

I miss you Jack. I hope you are doing well at the Rainbow Bridge. Don't be afraid okay.

You will always be my Jack. <3